Monday, August 06, 2007

Car Culture

I had to keep reminding myself in class tonight about taking comfort in the uncomfortable since that's where growth lies. (Or is it lays? I hate that frickin' verb.) Anyway, sometimes teaching or really, life, can be like sludge, and it's easier to wish for all lollipops and puppy dogs than it is to stay with the awkwardness.

My dear friend johnking told me once that for me, "the stakes are really high." Back when he said it I got it in a superficial way, the way you get a book the first time you read it. But with the passage of time its meaning has really unfolded so that I wonder now if I ever knew what he meant on that first day. I remembered his remark again tonight when I was trying to figure out how to make the energy move. I felt stuck and wishing I knew a clever magic trip to whip out (ha haaaa! do you always store quarters behind YOUR EAR?!) and then I had a moment of softening where it was like "well, what IF no one came back ever... what would THAT look like?" An empty room, I suppose, but aside from the obvious... what would it say about me? What about if I really risked rejection and disappointment? What's the worst thing that could happen and is that *so* bad? So that's where I'm at, or I was. No big resolution or revelation just another observation to catalogue. Slap a Dewey Decimal number on it and I'll be on my way.


Britt has the hottest voice on the planet. Seriously it's ridiculous how he can go all falsetto and sound totally masculine. (P.S. I don't technically *know* if it's "falsetto" but you get my point.)


A-Lo said...

So, you like men with high, squeaky voices?

vanessa said...

Yeah, squeaky like silk, baby.