Thursday, January 11, 2007

I mock the iMock, a little.

Steve Jobs, do you know something the rest of us don't? I'm not talking about the iPhone, though I am wildly excited about that. No, this is much bigger than the iPhone, the new Shuffle, iTV, or the latest iTunes version. I'm talking about mock turtlenecks. When did they come back and how does 7th Avenue NOT know about this? Riiiiight. They're not back, Steve.
Yes, you beat cancer -- pancreatic, to boot. Great job (no pun intended). Indeed, you are a visionary with incredible resilience and undeniable business acumen. You get lots of props in my book. So why the Dad clothes? You should totally let me be your stylist. I promise not to metro you out. Nothing flashy - there's only room for one Marc Cuban. Just simple, manly, clean items with a little edge -- things that say "I'm-the-pragmatic-idealist-who-has-changed-the-world" instead of "Of-course-I'll-help-you-with-your-science-project-Sally." Think Levi's, Simples, and James Perse t-shirts. For something spicy, like a Macworld keynote speech, I might top you off with a crewneck cashmere sweater. See how easy that is?
Mock turtlenecks scream indecision: Am I a collar? No sir, you are not. Well then, am I a turtleneck? I'm afraid not. Mock turtlenecks say "I'm not sure who I am." But you know, Steve. YOU KNOW. So lets get you in something that reflects your confidence, vision and drive -- something representative of your brilliant products.

That'll be $499 with a 2-year service plan.


Right now I feel pain and anger.

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