Saturday, December 19, 2009

In any case, I'd prefer dead to dwarves.*

At work I park my car in a behemoth garage.  On Wednesday morning I suppose I could have kept driving up levels, but I found a spot that looked big enough for my small-ish SUV.  To my left was a Bronco parked unnecessarily close to the right-most bounds of his space.  Whatever.  I pulled into the spot, then corrected.  I took care when I got out not to hit Scrooge's door.  It was a tight squeeze.  Yeah, I could have switched places, but I made it, you know?

Anyway, I'm going somewhere with this.
Here's what I had on my windshield when I returned to my car that night:

Dude, I'll say it - I was kinda pissed.  Bronco, oblivious to his own miserly parking job, left an anonymous note, which meant that I wouldn't be able to share the obvious irony with him.   I put the note in my passenger seat and drove home.  

Last night, when I was cleaning out my car I picked up the note and noticed that it had another side to it.

And this is when I became really sorry I didn't get the chance to meet Bronco.  Awesome.  Bronco wrote me a citation!  Like, filled it out an everything.  I delighted in the idea that I annoyed the type of person who a) actually buys novelty notepads and then b) uses them in all seriousness.  I wondered what other kinds of notepads were in his glove compartment.  

Dear ____, 
I hate you because: 
[  ] You broke my heart in 7th grade.
[  ] I wanted that last cupcake.  I never get the last cupcake.
[  ] Mom liked you more.
This morning I posted the citation on facebook because it seemed funny to me.  I liked thinking about what kind of person Bronco could be.  Turns out, uhh, like some of my yoga friends.   It just keeps getting better.

*Jorge Luis Borges
P.S.  I'm sick.  That's why I'm blogging on Saturday night.


Anonymous said...

Here's what i don't understand: isn't a bronco pretty much an SUV too?

PS I'm not sick, I'm just a loser. That's why I'm reading your blog on Saturday night.


vanessa said...

Exactly. A Bronco IS an SUV. The note, the citation... they were all so deliciously clueless.

C Lu said...

What if I'm just sick of being a loser?

(BTW, in another coincidental stroke to the subject blog entry, my "word verification" below is "dings.")

C Lu said...

Also, if it was a Bronco...I mean, c'mon, probably not exactly ding-free to begin with. I'm picturing either OJ's getaway car or something a mountain hermit might drive.

Anonymous said...

predictable. everything is so predictable.

vanessa said...

CLu: Au contraire. You're the picture of awesomeness.

Anon: Really? Easily solved. Quit reading. Or start writing yourself, hater.

Lauren said...

Maybe someone else left the "citation" on the bronco and then he was bitter that you didn't get one too so he left you the note on the back.

StaticInvasion said...

I've noticed that negative posters who post as anon, are usually pointless/worthless and hate themselves. C'mon hater anon's, leave some sort of info, so we can research your worthlessness.

Static Invasion (not anon, googleable)