My new favorite pastime is to read the comments posted in response to my friend Joslyn's Elephant Journal articles. Seriously. Some people like to go to movies, practice yoga...say...play golf?! Me? I read her feedback. It's like watching tennis if the players were Jesus and Hit Girl. Anyway, I couldn't help but pen my own special letter to some of her more passionate readers.
Dear I'm-Not-Angry-It's-Just-That-Joslyn-Hamilton-Is-Basically-Hitler People,
Listen... we're friends, right? I mean, we *are* all connected -- one love and shit? Exactly. Well, look, I wanted to tell you that I hear you. I do. And I truly believe you when you insist that you're not angry and that you are only doing your moral duty in representing the voice of humanely farmed animals / oppressed yoga teachers / defenseless new age ideologies. You elevate us all in your exhausting -- my bad -- exhaustive comments, citing the chakras and waxing didactic on Buddhist teachings to support your noble beliefs. You're the beacons of the spiritual community, for goodness sake! You are the voices of consciousness! No, no, you're not angry. You are just misunderstood, and it's not fair.
Gosh though, it sure seems like you're angry, given that you've called her tongue-in-cheek missives "superficial at best." You've implored her not to reproduce (whoa!), and have deemed her "openly ego-maniacal" and "childish." I guess I just got confused when you repeatedly called her "selfish" and "hypocritical."
But then I remembered how you endearingly addressed her as "sister" in your comments. You signed your letters with nice monikers like "Love," and "YogiOne," and "Inagaddavegan" (cute!), and "Kyle." And I realized you couldn't be angry. Those certainly don't sound like angry names to me!
So, I want to say that I understand you. You people aren't angry. It's just that you have absolutely no sense of humor. (Also, your pious rhetoric is really f*cking boring.)