New Stuff on the Block

Guess what?!  vanessafiola.com is getting a make-over.  Yep!  My super talented friend Katrina from Brandish Type is working her artistic wizardry.  In about two months you won't even recognize me this site.

In the process of brainstorming, I got to do all sorts of research for sites, pictures, and inspirational whatnot to give her an idea of my aesthetic.  Turns out, I love Alexander Wang, steampunk-y stuff, and the impose of analog on digital.  In my copious research, I also learned that if your business has the word "creative" in it, chances are you aren't.

***
Another page in the Great Kombucha Prohibition.  My go-to place in Hollywood ran out!  I panicked.  Fortunately I remembered that my friend RKells spotted some in Echo Park.  On Saturday she texted me the location and I picked up 10 bottles!  Grape!  Ginger!  And then later that day the second most fortuitous thing happened -- I found another source in Franklin Village.  So you know what?  Eff the Whole.  (Sorry Alo, but this has gotten out of hand.)

***
Happy Birthday, CLu!  You pale to no one.

Lucky Me

Today was my fourth day in my 3 for 30  plan.  Over the last several days I've exercised my ears off and have done a bunch of creative stuff.  You should see my stick drawings.

As far as the nice things go, well, did you ever see the movie Kick-Ass?  It was awesome.  Anyway, I'm a little like the inchoate action hero walking the streets looking for a mugger to thwart.  The nice stuff isn't just hanging on trees, you know.  So I'm a little pleased with myself that I've managed the following:  let a stranger have a parking spot, supported my neighbor by seeing his play, helped a friend with her writing, and agreed to refrain from mentioning my mother's impending birthday on this blog 'cause she specifically asked me not to. (Since it's not her birthday yet, I figure this doesn't technically count.)

I'd like to think my charity hasn't gone unnoticed.   After dance today, I stopped by the Santa Monica Co-op to grab some G-water.  I threaded the aisles, strolling past the refrigerated foods section.  I made my way toward the checkout, when out of the corner of my eye I caught a row of familiar bottles to my left.  I looked again.   Great news, guys!  Turns out, there IS a Holy Mother of Jesus.  Right there, between the raw chocolate mouse and vegan pad thai, I happened upon this goodness:

And since this is working out so well, tomorrow I'm going to do TWO nice things.


'

It might as well be Prohibition

Kombucha and I go back about six years.  I fondly remember my first flavor (Original), followed rapidly by my second (Grape).  Since then, I've developed a pretty healthy habit to it, in a totally healthy, not-an-alcoholic kind of way.  

A few weeks ago when I was in Europe, news travelled across the pond that my beloved was being pulled from Whole Foods because of concerns over the alcohol content in the product.  I panicked slightly because I couldn't do much about being 6,000 miles away.  There would be no running to the ten Wholes near my house to stockpile for the winter.  No big deal, I reasoned, I live in Los Angeles.  You can get anything in Los Angeles.  I ignored the nagging urge to send out an SOS to Dre.

And this is why you should NEVER, EVER ignore your gut:  because you will be savagely deprived of kombucha for what will feel like the rest of your life.

Upon my return, I discovered that not only did Whole Foods stop carrying it, but so did EVERY OTHER STORE in the entire United States.  Motherscratchers.  I took Dre's last bottle.  I rationalized that since I bought it for her, and she knew the depths of my love (for kombucha, that is), that she'd understand.  And also that she probably wouldn't notice it missing for a good week, and by which time, God help us, it'd be back in commission.  It wasn't.  It hasn't been, and we're nearing four weeks.

You know what gets me the most?  Well, the second-to-most?  That the Whole, and most other places, are carrying tons of this bullshit impostor.  As if we're not on to your pasteurized scam, fellas.  I've already reviewed Wonder Drink, okay?  Oh, it's a wonder, alright.

I would make my own, but see, I can barely keep a cactus alive, let alone the most awesome fungus in the world.

And then the thing that most bothers me, that really, really saddens me, is that -- fine, I'll show my ID -- just put it back on the shelves.  You win, Anonymous, I *am* a total alcoholic just addicted to the buzz.  Whatever.   I don't care.  Please give me my effervescent goodness back.

But all is not totally bleak.  Today offered a lone bright spot in my otherwise solemn plight.  At the farmer's market this morning, I went to the truck where I get my raw dairy products.  On Sundays I usually buy a kombucha from them for my stroll through the stands.  It kind of makes the walk more entertaining... Anyway, they were out today, but assured me that they will have some next week, and will reserve an entire case for me!!   I fell dizzy.  It gets even better.  They sell it for only $2.50 a bottle.  $2.50!!  And I know a handful of jonesing yogis who would gladly pay triple that.  It's black market time, baby.

 

On the road again

Last night we went to see Easy Rider at the cemetery.  Dang.  Who knew Peter Fonda was hot?  During the movie I wondered whether in the early 70s there were scores of women who already figured this out.  Now onto business.

You know, I like going to the cemetery as much as the next girl, save two things.   

1.  Donations that aren't really donations.  You see, when you *require* a fee in order to enter, it's no longer a "donation".  It's a fee.  The fact that you're non-profit doesn't change the definition of a word.  (Btw, the same can be extended for yoga classes, church or any other racket that pretends like you don't *have* to pay, but you'd get dirty looks or a lecture if you didn't.)

Friends, it's not the money I care about.  In fact, $10 is a fair amount to spend for the experience.  Just be honest about what that $10 is and don't call it something it's not.  Okay. Next:

2.  High chairs.  No, not the kind that a baby sits in, though they're nearly that tall.  These are the lawn chairs that are more than 6 inches - 1 foot off the ground.  I'm glad YOU can see, buddy, but NO ONE behind you can.  If you're too cheap to buy lower ones, then at least be cool and sit in the very back.  (Note:  the same goes for you Everest types at concerts.)

That is all.

***

Yesterday I promised you a kombuch update, and I don't like to disappoint, so here you go.   I have a new favorite flavor!  

Drum roll, please....

...

...

...

High Country's Wild Root

You'll recall that I've previously lambasted High Country for their lameness.  But I'm a humble girl (kinda), and I can admit when I've gotten something wrong.  Either that or they changed their formula.  Whatevs, they deserve their props -- it's GOOD!  The flavor is a little bit root beer, a little bit rock-n-roll, and a whole lotta smoove.

Somewhere there's a mala down the line

My friend Leslie just left this morning. We pretty much mala'd all weekend which means my arms may actually fall off from all the chatturangas and stuff. We liked the Global Mala. Two major developments I must report on:

First, Leslie talked me into taking Kundalini w/ Gurmukh BEFORE we did the 108 Sun Salutations. Big mistake. As you know, kundalini is weird, but I did it anyway since I like to keep an open mind and stuff. (Hypocrisy noted.) Gurmukh, a 60-something sprite with more energy than a wind farm, started us out with 24 minutes of dancing while keeping our hands raised in the air. Yeah? You try it. Then 16 minutes of push-ups, then abs, then finally holding our hands up in prayer position w/ the thumbs at the third eye (forehead center) for 7 minutes. By that last asana we were all completely beat down, though she didn't seem to notice. She urged us: Elbows up! This is important work! So I kept those poor suckers up, up, UP! in case some poor baby in Africa died as a result of my weakness. Butterfly Effect and all that. Which brings me to my point: despite all of this, I've reconsidered kundalini. It's prolly still weird, but I'm down w/ it.

Second, oh High Country kombucha, you've had your day! They had a booth at Global Mala and I agreed to give it another shot -- third time's a charm, yada yada yada. This time I tried ginger flavor, and folks, we have a winner! Yummm. Very smooth. And in a subtle yet clear way, the rep casually mentioned (he is a salesman, after all) that if "you are going to drink GT's, then don't get any of the fruit flavors because the way it's bottled with fruit juice basically turns it into alcohol and also their fruit juice is from concentrate." I stand corrected.

Two more quick updates:

1. Perhaps the difference b/w enlightenment and otherwise is expectation? Meaning, maybe what holds us (okay, me) back is the expectation that enlightenment comes in a certain package, the kind where you're recognized for it, and when you walk down the street people are like, "Wow, what a huge golden aura you have! You must be very enlightened." So when it's not that, well it feels like you couldn't be further away from truth? But really it doesn't look anything like what you expect it to look like and if you can just drop the anticipation it'll appear? Just a thought.

2. In a weird twist of coincidence, the dude that makes High Country kombucha was stocking it at the Whole in Westwood on Saturday. Totally trippy b/c this woman walks up and was like, "Are you Steve (his name coulda been Matt or John or something else) from High Country?" And he was all like, "Yeah." Then she said, "Oh I LOVE your kombucha -- it's the best stuff out there." He asked her what her favorite flavor was and all I could think was "Gojiberry sucks," so at that point, I have to be honest -- I stopped eavesdropping. And with that, I blew my opportunity to get to the bottom of the Case of the Misnomered Kombucha. I should mention that he looked like a nice enough guy and I felt really bad that I gave it low marks. It's rough work being mean.

Kombucha Report #3

In the event you thought my kombucha reports had fallen by the wayside, fear not! I won't rest until every commercial kombucha in the land has been tasted, assessed, and documented.

Enter The Rejuvenation Company's kombucha.


I tried these guys before back when I lived in Cambridge. I was hesitant to give 'em another shot but oh I'm forgiving so why not? First off, the packaging --points for using a recyclable PEET bottle, which they profess to be more environmentally-conscious than glass since apparently it takes less energy to break down PEET than glass. Is that a dig at GT's? I don't know but it doesn't matter 'cause the kombucha's what we're judging here. Right. Getting on with it, then...

Okay RC, here's the deal -- you know I'm a sucker for buzz and yours is at least palpable so points there. And, since I could swallow you like a compliment you get another few for un-slimy-ness. Which leaves us with taste. Dannnnnggg, why ya gotta be so sweet? I should be able to drink kombucha without feeling like I need to cut it with salt. Therefore:

Buzz-factor: 2.5
Taste: 1
Un-slimy-ness: 3
Total: 6.5
Being eco-friendly (or at least advertising that you are): .5
Revised total: 7

P.S. Update on High Country. If you'll remember, I reviewed it here; I was not impressed. Last weekend my friend Leslie convinced me to try it again. "I like it better than GT's, dude..." she argued "...plus the guy's from Boulder." (Which explains why they call it HIGH Country since we know it's not from the buzz.) Anyway, I was willing. And I'm still right. To be fair, she picked Goji flavor and I'd rather chew on batteries than eat gojiberries. Regardless, I'm not feelin' it.

P.P.S. Before you go getting all hopped up about my kombucha reviews, chill out. It's KOMBUCHA for chrissakes. Put it in perspective.

New this, updates that, teaching yada yada

It's been a few days because I didn't have anything to say. I know that hasn't stopped me countless times before but whatever. ('Whatever', of course, is the universal cop out for the absence of a clever punchline.)

Let me catch you up on the latest in my FASCINATING life. In tonight's edition: a new kombucha review (yippee!), updates on my "dance" class, and cool stuff with teaching, etc.

***

Alas, it's unfortunate that I resume my kombucha reporting w/ an unfavorable review. You know I have such high hopes. To catch you up, in case I don't know you, I LOVE kombucha. It makes the world look a little rosier. Anywhoo, a while ago I established a rating system for assessing the quality of different kinds of kombucha. Read this.
Today's pick: Carpe Diem kombucha.

Carpe Diem, I like your intentions. Drink positive! Eat positive! Live positive! Who could argue w/ that? I positively wouldn't. Plus, you're foreign -- you know I'm a sucker for accents. Sadly, for all your international intrigue and wholesome personality, your kombuch doesn't stand on its own. Dear CD, I haven't had a Coke in a couple of years. Wanna know why? Because I like my sugar in solid form so at least I'm getting something (a full belly) out of the rush. Your drink? The healthy set's Coke -- heavy on the fructose and light on the kombuchose. So, without further ado...

Buzz Factor: 0. Dude you didn't even get a 1. And, I gotta tell you, it's pretty hard to score a zero here. I haven't had more than fruits, veggies, and nuts for almost three weeks. I'm an empty vessel! I could have got more buzz off grape juice. Sheesh.
Taste: 2. You're too sweet. I'm willing to acknowledge that my taste buds might have shifted since this cleanse thing I've been doing. Naw. You're just too sweet.
Un-sliminess: 3. Good job! You have redeemed yourself. Kinda.
Total: 5
***

Here's a picture of the stripper shoes I am wearing for my dance class. Can you believe?! I have to wear them around the house to break 'em in. I've been trying to talk Dre into taking the classes w/ me with little success. Until she put the shoes on. She was giddy with her new height. So maybe they'll do the trick.

I've signed up for Level 2 which starts in two weeks. Okay, so you know that the REAL Level 2 (in Montana) is like my favorite place in the world to be. This is *nothing* like that. This Level 2 has the sassy moniker "The Outlaw Sessions". Wow I feel so dangerous.

***

Taught my first class at the new super bad ass Equinox today. It's swank, folks, for sure. And, the coolest part? I'm teaching a meditation class there starting in two weeks! As you may know, I totally dig meditation. I'd marry it but since I'm already betrothed to yoga, it'll have to be my mister. What's the male equivalent of mistress? Doesn't matter. The point is, I feel like it's Christmas. With presents.

***

Once again, I'll say it: I am SO blessed.

The Kombucha Report

Oh yes. The moment you've ALL been waiting for. The VERY FIRST* Kombucha Buzz/Taste/Un-Slimy-ness Test. Following are the judging criteria. Notice that the criterion are weighted differently. This is to account for importance.

1. Buzz Factor -- A drink's ability to incite high-ness. Range: 1 - 5
2. Taste -- I should say I actually have pretty low standards for this one. It's kombucha. You're not supposed to like the taste. (P.S. My distinguished palate does not discriminate based on flavor, e.g. if I tried Ginger in one, and Original in another I don't hold it against Original. Cool?) Range 1 - 4.
3. Un-slimy-ness -- How much fungus is floating in the bottle? I don't like it. Range: 1 - 3.


Official Rules
The kombucha with the most points wins. No, there's no prize, sucker. Winning's its own reward.
Let the games begin!

GT's Synergy

This has long been, imho, the gold standard for commercial kombucha. I know that we're typically partial to our firsts, but this one has really stood the test of time. I appreciate that it's not too sweet and the range of flavors is unparalleled. And, most importantly, I could mainline the stuff. Well done.
Buzz Factor - 5
Taste - 4
Un-slimy-ness - 1(Sorry, GT, but you pack more fungus than a forest.)
Total: 10
***
High Country

High Country, you should be *ashamed* to call yourself 'high' anything. I got more buzz off of smoking oregano in high school. Plus, you taste like shit. I do give you points for a low-slime factor, though.
Buzz Factor - 1
Un-slimy-ness - 3
Taste - 0
Total: 4
***
Kombucha Wonder Drink

Wonder Drink? Why? Because it's a wonder you can call yourself kombucha? One word: weak.
Buzz Factor - 0
Taste - 2
Un-slimy-ness - 3
Total: 5
***
Kombucha 2000

First of all, props for such a kick-ass name. Kombucha 2000 is retro before its time. Second, and most important, it rocks the buzz like GT's! Yes! I've subtracted a point for its $4 pricepoint (I know I know so unfair). However, its hefty price is redeemed by the grapefruit flavor.
Buzz Factor - 5
Taste 4
Un-slimy-ness - 2
Total: 11
Wallet breaker: -1
Revised total: 10

* Claim unconfirmed but I'm pretty sure it's a safe bet.

13

Somehow my Friday blog didn't post???

***

Went to see Borat tonight. Is very nice.

***

Also, it's an amazing full moon. Renee howled b/c that's what she does at full moons. I set intentions (well, she did too) because that's what we do at full moons.

Oddly I find myself wanting to visit Boston. I guess it's because other people (Debbie and Erin) are really enjoying it there that I suspect I must've missed something. In truth I regret that I didn't make more of an effort. The good thing is that I get another shot at this lesson. I'm here in LA and making a good run at it.

***

I bought A CASE of kombucha today. A case. That's about 192 oz. of sweet sweet tonic. Coming up I'll be reviewing different kinds. I don't want to give away the nail-biting ending, but all kombucha are NOT made equally.

89

Just went to Only Hearts (I love their underwear) and the girl behind the counter was drinking my beloved GTs Kombucha. The other girls were shrieking (yes shrieking!) at her: "Lisa what are you doing?! Don't drink that! It has LIVE CULTURES in it! Do you know what that can do to you? It will make you sick!" Horrified, I watched as they tried uncovincingly to dissuade her from finishing her drink.
Wow -- Kombucha bad for you?? That's like saying Hummers are good for the environment. For shame, for shame.

P.S. you might notice that my blog layout right now sucks it. It's under construction so you won't have to horizontally scroll for much longer, plus adding RSS feed.

i'm pissed

Guess what the Boston-area Whole Foods just got? Kombucha. That's right. And not that weak shit that's been trying to pass itself off as the real deal for the last 9 months I've been here. They've got GT's!
Yeah I know the enlightened, compassionate, blah blah blah thing to do would be to rejoice for Bostonians that they may now enjoy the sweet elixir that is GT's Grape-or-Strawberry-or-even-the-new-Greens-flavored kombucha. But I'm just not feelin' it. I bought a stupid cooler just so I could carry several of the drinks back from Austin and LA on my frequent trips this past year. I even called the company shortly after I got here and begged -- begged! for them to find a way to get it out east. I counted proximity to kombucha as one of the merits of moving to LA. Now what???
***
I'm trying to mark things off my list of must-dos before I leave this fine city (I can't bag on it anymore now that I'm leaving. It just wouldn't be decent. Unless that last rant counted as bagging, which it didn't.) So last night I went to dinner at Pho Republique and then out to Soul Revival. I remember my friend Joslyn telling me before I moved here that Soul Revival was "about the only cool thing in Boston". Well, I do like Walden a lot and the Hi Rise and the studios, of course, but she's right -- SR is pretty cool. Chanel and I were totally mesmerized by this girl who was dancing with a primal aplomb I've never before witnessed in person. It was like she had three distinct sections of her body -- shoulder and head, torso, and then hips, and they were all spinning separately, but in beautiful unison. My DJ brethren also rocked it - I got some great ideas for bootcamp music. I was going to ask him if I could take the helm but he was managing just fine on his own...
Tonight I met Roberto and Adam for dinner at Om. Kinda funny -- three yogis walk into a bar called Om for dinner. Speaking of bar, the bartender was really cool and mixed us up non-alcoholic fruit drinks to accompany our appetizers. I was thinking about how surprisingly easy it is not to drink now when I go out, and also how easy it is, as a result, to remember to take off my makeup before going to bed. Huh?
Adam has just finished law school and is on his way to northern India at the end of the summer to work for a human rights group. It feels like this is the end of one thing/ beginning of something new for the people around me as well. So there's Adam and India, Chanel's working towards her medical school pursuits, Kristen is in Tanglewood for the summer and then will be teaching full time upon her return, Dan G moved to San Francisco, and well, that's nearly all my friends here, so it seems like a lot of departures (except Bobu, who's not leaving but is seeing someone now so we've seen less of each other). It's that feeling of like we all just graduated high school and we're heading off to separate colleges.
***
The movers are coming in the morning. Walking to Harvard Square tonight, I had the sweetest memory of my first days here when I didn't know what it would feel like to be on my own, and I had what felt like the whole world in front of me. Back then, the new Death Cab was my constant soundtrack. Tonight, it was an Iron and Wine song, which felt as fitting for the end of my journey as DC4C felt for the beginning. I passed a sign that I first noticed after I had just moved here: "Never put a period where God has put a comma. He's still speaking..." In the end, I've not always made this the easiest on myself (e.g. my "horrible" birthday or when I lost my phone and whined about it for THREE LONG WEEKS!) but at least in my own mind, any of my self-induced drama pales compared to the sheer magic that I've experienced since last September. Even without a steady Kombucha supply.
***
Squirrel update! So I've been sleeping in lately and it's not just because I've given notice at my job. The squirrels have been suspiciously quiet. I thought they might be up to something so I mentioned it to my neighbor (the scientist) and as it turns out, he found them annoying too (apparently he's no early-riser either and they were hindering his sleep as well). He reported them to our landlord. If you'll remember, I opted to appeal directly to the squirrels before I took matters into my own hands b/c while I wanted my sleep, I didn't want them to be like poisoned or anything. Well the landord hired exterminators. I gasped as he was telling me this! What'd they do? I wanted to know as I was picturing big guns like out of Ghostbusters or something that sent noxious gas into the crawlspace between our units. It turns out they installed one-way mesh screens which allow them (the squirrels, not the exterminators, silly!) to exit but not to enter. He said that squirrels are considered too cute to kill. I'd like to suggest to rats, opossums, and the other less fortunate rodents that you get yourselves a better publicist. It's working for your squirrel kin.